First Impressions

Quack Quack, Honk Honk

Quack Quack, Honk Honk

We all know that first impressions are extremely important. Within the first five minutes of meeting someone we have already come up with a 100 ways to either love them or hate them.  “His hands were clammy, I bet he’s a bed wetter”, “Her teeth are crooked, she’s probably poor”, “Ew, did you see the zit on his nose?  I bet he has herpes.”, “Did you see the way she smiled at me?  I’m totally getting laid tonight.”, “I don’t care if she went to Harvard, She was wearing cheetah print!”  We are all guilty of making such snap judgments.  And we are all guilty of going above and beyond to make a good, long lasting first impression.  So this got me thinking…not only do we judge someone on their physical appearance, their smile, their handshake, their outfit – we also judge every other thing about them; Their spouse, their car, and most importantly (for this discussion) their home.

Seeing a new friends home for the first time, could be comparable to a blind date.  You’re nervous, your armpits are sweaty, and you’re a little gassy.  You get to this new “friends” house, you see the front yard (the smile), you walk onto the front porch (the handshake), you’re thinking to yourself “This is it!  This could be the one!“, but wait….you glance to the left and notice Fig. 00.1.  What the HELL?  A Goose Gnome?!  Say it ain’t so!  But they seem so normal!  You felt like you really knew this person!  You were sure that these were going to be lifelong friends!  You had planned out summer vacations, camping trips, baseball games, go-cart racing, but now this?!  WHY?!?!

fig. 00.2

fig. 00.2

It’s peices of “artwork” such as these that have led me to ask the ultimate question:  Why the hell would you put that in your front yard?

Take Fig 00.2 for example.  You’ve GOT to be kidding me.  Seriously?  First Impression:  Messy, Unorganized, Smelly, Tacky, Hoarder, Probably owns a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper (and uses it.), Has 10 dogs living in the house that defecate everywhere, and are definitely bat-shit crazy.  Is this the type of “first impression” you want to give off?  The only positive thing I can derive from this photo is that they like the color blue.  And where did the windmill come from?  Are they dutch? I can only imagine what the living room looks like; Plastic couches, creepy porcelain dolls who’s eyes follow you, little unicorn snow globes, and  what I would presume to be the worlds largest “Precious Moments” collection.

I’m sure that the owners of this home are the sweetest, most lovely people in the state of Indiana (only assuming they’re from the Midwest). I want to understand why.  What is their message?  What are others’ messages?  Is it religion? Is it a hobby?  Is it society?  Pop Culture?  Peer Pressure?  Or is it solely because they really don’t care what anyone else thinks?  All across America there are front lawns that are pissed off.

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